


A little bit of stress with your cocoa

by Kuraiummei



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: <3, Christmas, F/M, Fluff, Mass Effect Holiday Special 2016, couldn't help myself, kinda late
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 05:11:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9163630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuraiummei/pseuds/Kuraiummei
Summary: Written for the Mass Effect Holiday Special 2016. Garrus goes up to the captain's cabin only to find the door locked, and EDI reporting odd things about his Commander/girlfriend's behavior. Then the mac 'n cheese at dinner is served in bright reds and greens. What's a Turian to think about the strangeness?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Slightly late, but I'm not certain anyone cares! Hahaha. 
> 
> Viva la Mass Effect! 
> 
> Merry [various holidays here] and Happy [significant time of year that is appropriate for celebrations]!!!11111!!11!!

Garrus tapped the panel beside their door, nearly walking into the bulkhead keel-first when it didn't open. Blinking at the mysterious occurrence, he finally noticed the red glow of the locking mechanism. The tall sniper looked up, mostly out of habit, and addressed their resident all-knowing AI.

 

“EDI, did Shepard change my access privileges on our... her quarters?”

 

“No Garrus, she did not. However, an activity that Shepard does not wish you to be privy to is currently ongoing inside. All access has been temporarily revoked from the captain's cabin.”

 

His brow ridges furrowed in worry at the vague answer. Garrus knew the Commander had a lot on her... bowl? No... plate. She'd had a lot on her _plate_ lately, and it taken some of the vitality out of the normally indomitable woman.

 

Plus the ever-present nightmares Shepard faced, ongoing since her revival.

 

Not to mention the team injuries on their latest mission had been pretty bad...

 

Working himself up into a bother, the blue eyed vigilante stared hard at the door trying to guess what was the matter.

 

“Is she okay?”

 

“Yes, Garrus. All vitals within normal tolerance levels.”

 

“Is... she upset?”

 

“There was shouting at an inanimate object earlier, but the situation resolved itself.”

 

“Can I ask what _kind_ of inanimate object?”

 

“It was a pair of scissors, an antiquated tool used frequently by humans to cut things before the invention of the pre-cursor to the Omni-tool.”

 

Shepard was yelling at cutting tools? That sounded... bad. His mandibles clicked along his jaw, worry growing.

 

“EDI, ask her if I can come in?”

 

“One moment...”

 

He waited, looking awkwardly around the hallway that he hadn't paid much attention to since the day he'd walked back and forth in it a hundred or so times working up the courage to ping an entry request while holding a bottle of wine. It looked pretty much the same.

 

“Your request has been denied. Shepard says to tell you that she is busy, and that you can 'go calibrate your one true love' until after dinner time.”

 

Okay. Okay, so she was up to making jokes. Stone-grey mandibles loosened again as the bratty jab was delivered. If the woman was making cracks about his admittedly unhealthy preoccupation with complex mathematics it couldn't be too horrible, could it?

 

Whatever 'it' was...

 

“Alright. After dinner. That's cool. Right... I'll just...”

 

For once the weapon's systems needed no, -literally zero-, work. They were right where he wanted them at the moment.

 

“Go see what everyone is up to. Someone has to need help with something.”

 

About facing, in a mild at-a-loss daze, Garrus rode the elevator down to the CIC deck with the vague intent to bother Joker. Unfortunately, when he arrived it was the co-pilot at the wheel, one of their Cerberus provided crew, who regretfully informed him of the missing man with all the sweetness and hard-to-dislike the Illusive man's shrinks had packed into the mostly-human crew.

 

“Sorry Sir. Mr. Moreau is in medbay doing PT with Dr. Chakwas. She came and stole him away about 30 minutes ago.”

 

Well. That was fine. PT was important.

 

Turned away again, the well-built Turian took himself down to Engineering to bother Tali. His Quarian frenemy-turned-honest-best-friend had ten things for him to do straight off the bat, spirits bless the woman. He got to work right away, setting a notification on his 'tool to ping him just before dinner time. He'd grab first pick on the levo and dextro options and take them up to the top deck as a peace offering. Or possibly comfort food. Maybe bribe, even.

 

Garrus wasn't exactly sure yet.

 

As always, time flew when he was focused, and what was certainly only five or ten minutes later the alert ping went off. He quickly finished up his current task, and sent a note to Tali on what he'd gotten to. That done, he rode upward again, stopping by the bathroom to towel off the worst of the grease on his gloves.

 

The tall sniper was halfway across the mess hall, two trays in hand, before Gardner stopped him.

 

“Vakarian! Hold up a moment there. Take this up too, Commander'll love it.”

 

Without further ado the Normandy's chef-slash-janitor plunked a mug of... _something_ onto Shepard's tray. It was a brown liquid, a drink of some sort, and it smelled _atrocious._

 

“Ah... thank... you?”

 

Gardner huffed at his obviously baffled tone of voice, rolling his eyes and turning away while mumbling a non-reply that Garrus heard perfectly well.

 

“'Thank you' is right! Bah. Doesn't even know what cocoa is? That Turian has some things to learn about human women if he thinks Shep is gunna keep him around.”

 

Still baffled, possibly more so, he turned back toward the elevator while carefully balancing the trays. It was about that time he noticed the mac 'n cheese appeared to have been dyed. One half was bright green, the rest in a lurid red. It barely resembled food anymore, and he eyed the noodles with suspicion. What exactly was the point of changing their color? Especially to... radioactive-bright shades?

 

Shaking his head at the strangeness of humans, with a mental note to ask Shepard later if she didn't notice and explain the oddity anyway, Garrus stepped out of the elevator, relieved to see the locking mechanism was green again. He hip-bumped it for lack of free hands, and mosied into their shared space with all the cool confidence of a rock star.

 

“So I hear you've been taking out your excess of aggression on ancient relics lately? How's that working out for yo- what in the world is that?”

 

Shepard bounced on her toes, grinning.

 

“It's a Christmas tree!”

 

“A... tree? Are you sure it's ahh-”

 

“Ah?”

 

“Is that palladium?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“Did you go mining for palladium to make a... crismas tree?”

 

“You bet your ass I did. It looks good right? Pretty damn realistic for a fake tree, if a bit shiny.”

 

“Uhhhhh, yeah. For sure. Plus the uh... boxes with... ribbons? Nice touch.”

 

“... You have no idea what a Christmas tree is, do you big guy?”

 

“Not in the slightest.”

 

Shepard laughed, blowing her bangs out of her face and coming over to take the levo-food tray away from him.

 

“I think it's vid time my tall, spiky friend. Everyone should know about Christmas, even Turians.”

 

“Spikey _friend?_ Have I been downgraded from boyfriend status without being informed first? Tsk. There wasn't even a pink slip...”

 

Setting the strangely colored food and heinous smelling beverage down without noticing them, the woman of his dreams also took his food tray away and set it on the table next to her own.

 

Encouraging.

 

Then she proceeded to drag him down by the collar and chase the come backs from his mind with nothing but her tongue and a devious spark in her eye.

 

Even more encouraging.

 

“Have a seat my tall, spiky _boyfriend_. It's dinner and a movie night. Almost like a date.”

 

“Yeah? Well, I even brought you freakish brown stuff in a cup.”

 

“Brown stuff in a- by the gods, is that hot cocoa? It is. Marry me.”

 

“If you insist.”

 

She punched him hard, laughing, and flopped onto the couch before reaching for the remote that turned the opposite section of fish tank into a massive screen. Apparently his latest venture into the mysteries of human culture was going to be done via vid, which generally involved lots of talking over the actors and at least two re-watches.

 

He didn't mind. It really was the closest they got to actual dates.

 

Garrus made himself comfortable and dug into dinner while the intro screen rolled. Truth be told, half way in he had some serious questions about the ability of hats to grant sentience to people made of snow, and the validity of making a gift more enjoyable to open by wrapping it in folded paper sections colored in eye-watering patterns of mythical creatures and their bearded red-clothed master.

 

But... he held off on the most snarky of them, enjoying a full stomach, the amazing creature curled into his side, and the relative peace of watching a vid that didn't involve shooting anything. Granted, his fingers would be itching to snipe something challenging within a day or two of this sort of restful activity, but for now? For now, life was perfect in this small moment.

 

He refilled Shepard's gross brown drink twice, and they spent a luxurious hour and a half making love before bed. Garrus decided the next morning that Christmas was one of humanity's best contributions to the galaxy at large. He hoped it was an annual thing. Possibly quarterly? Maybe... daily.

 

He could do daily.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
